I recently read an article by Paul R. Amato titled “The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social and Emotional Well-Being of the Next  Generation”, which spoke a great deal on what happens to children who live in part family homes, and even step-family homes. Amato states, “children in divorced families tend to have weaker emotional bonds with mothers and fathers than do their peers in two-parent families” (Amato, 2005). This struck an interesting cord with me because the impacts on chidren’s cognitive and emotional development can be huge while they are facing such situations.

Building and forming strong relationships with our loved ones is a life long journey and it is something we all desire to have. When those bonds are in danger of falling apart or even becoming nonexistent, it can be a scary thing for a child to face. Along with the article, I watched an ABC 20/20 clip titled “Divorce School for Kids“, and in it children shared their thoughts and emotions about their parents’ divorce. Some spoke about how they feared their parents remarrying because the parent would start a new family and forget about them. Listening to the perspective a child can bring a sense of truth and pain because what they say are innocent and pure. Sometimes when marriages end in divorce it becomes more of a selfish act on the couple, and they forget who else is involved. Hundreds of children all over are facing the repercussions of their parent’s separation and ultimately, they will be the ones that suffer. Everyone deserves to grow up in a home where there is loving and happily married couples, where children can have a safe refuge from the world where darkness resides.

 
When I was growing up, divorce was a thing, but it wasn’t as easily to come by because couples were highly encouraged by family members and other affiliations to work out their problems and think of all who were involved. Now, the trend is that divorce is an acceptable option that anyone can do at any time, and for any reason. Because of how many divorces have happened, many people are afraid to even step into marriage, for fear that it will just end in divorce. So, the trend now is to live together unmarried and “test the waters”, so to speak, before making that plunge into marriage or not. However, studies have shown that cohabitating relationships can be just as unstable and more likely to end up in a separation than that of married couples to divorce.

In a document titled “The State of Our Unions”, researchers speak on the effects of American family life and how marriage and child rearing has changed over the year, and how it is seen today. One of the areas they touched on was cohabitation being more acceptable and the implications it can have on children born into such unions. One study mentioned in the document stated that “on many social, educational, and psychological outcomes, children in cohabitating households do significantly worse than children in intact, married families, and about as poorly as children living in single-parent families” (Marquardt, Blankenhorn, I., Malone-Colon, & Wilcox, 2012).

 
So what? You are probably wonder what all this has to do with children and the shape of the future. Well I’ll tell you. With the diminishing of stable family structures, things are going to continue to get worse, especially for the children who essentially hold the future in their hands. I think about our societies, communities, governments, and how our children will be the ones to face the calamities and the ones possibly being the change. How can children be the change the world needs if the examples set for them are nothing but heartache and pain? As a parent myself, I evaluate often the things I can do better to help my children thrive and give stability to their lives. Am I perfect at it, no. But I know that if I want to safe guard their future and that they can be that change we hope for, it starts within our home and family life. It starts with my husband and I’s relationship and how we do things as a family. It starts with how we counsel together, problem solve, love and accept our emotions and bring acknowledgment to the needs of each other. It starts with correct principles taught by a loving Heavenly Father and passed down through us as parents to then our children. Having been a parent for about 5 years, I have come to recognize that the relationship I am striving to build with my children and the guidance we as their parents are giving them is close to the relationship and guidance Heavenly Father builds and gives to His children.

I end my post with the words from Paul R. Amato, “although it is a cliché to say that children are the future, it has never been more true as it is today” (Amato, 2005).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

References

Amato, P. R. (2005). The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation.

Marquardt, E., Blankenhorn, D., I., L. R., Malone-Colon, L., & Wilcox, W. B. (2012). State of our Unions . Retrieved from Brigham Young University-Idaho : file:///C:/Users/roath/Downloads/faml300_document_stateOfOurUnions2012.pdf